hi, everyone! i am very excited to get to speak some encouragement to you! - you all are truly my heart & i wish i could have a conversation with each and every one of you! gracie was in one of my teepees this past summer at Kanakuk when i was a UC, and she (apparently!) has read a few of my blog posts at www.sarahzobrist.com!
when gracie reached out to me to write something for her website, i was extremely humbled. but to be honest, i had no idea what to write about. absolutely none. i hadn’t even written anything for my own blog in a really long time! i was praying she would be able to come up with something good because if she didn’t, i would’ve been in trouble. as soon as she said a few girls had suggested comparing yourself to others, i automatically knew that was what i would write about. but now i’m here, and trying to help encourage and teach girls to not compare themselves to others and it is a lot more daunting than i expected it to be.
i have spent my entire life comparing myself to other people. i skipped kindergarten when i was little, and i think that socially set me back in my mind. i felt that i needed to imitate and find guidance from those who were older than me in order to fit in. because of that, i tend to believe i will never measure up in social situations. i’m a pretty big introvert, so i’ve never been the outgoing, funny, loud person in any group - but i’ve always wanted to be! that’s been really tough on me and my self-confidence, resulting in huge wounds of comparison and large amounts of incompetent, inadequate thoughts aimed toward myself.
this past summer was the first time i realized i really found my identity in what other people thought of me. and it took me on this crazy journey of building my identity on a firm foundation rather than the wavering habits of emotions and other people.
in truth, i can’t sit here and tell you how to not compare yourself to other people. it seems like it should be a phase that we all grow out of, but there will always, always be things to compare about yourself to other people. right now it could be your friends, your clothes, your relationship status. when you’re older it will be your job, your home, your income. the possibilities will never end - but comparison is the thief of joy and we have to put an end to it somehow. but how?
again - i can’t sit here and tell you how to not compare yourself to other people. it’s a natural, sinful behavior that the devil uses to steal both our joy and our identity. but if you work at stopping a behavior, nothing in your heart will change - and that’s NOT the Gospel. that’s not what we’re meant for.
i’ve learned that if we want to stop comparing ourselves, we have to begin believing our own worth. we have to build a firm identity that will not be shaken because it does not depend on other girls around us or our successes compared to others. it HAS to depend on the only firm, constant being we know and will ever know. the identity God has given us as His children goes far beyond what our feelings and emotions tell us on a day to day basis. feelings don’t matter when we have an eternity to depend on. Truth matters. Truth is the only thing that matters. and i am here to - hopefully - fill you with some of that Truth, because it is the only thing that determines how much you are worth!
most mornings (it should be every morning but i’m not going to fake that i’m really good at having a quiet time every day because i’m not, truthfully), i read two pages that i put in my Bible to speak Truth over myself every day. it starts with lies that i have come to believe about myself, those being:
i am not as valuable or loved or wanted as the person next to me.
i am rejected and set aside everywhere i am.
then, i have a list of what Scripture says about my identity:
i am chosen before the foundation of the world. Ephesians 1:4
i am complete in Him. Colossians 2:10
i am eternally loved and kept by God’s power. 1 Peter 1:5
i have authority over the power of the enemy. Luke 10:19
i am hidden in the secret place of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1
i have a living hope that is sure and steadfast and anchors my soul. Hebrews 6:19
i cannot be separated from God’s love. Romans 8:35-39
i have peace. Psalm 29:11
i am accepted. Romans 15:7
i am fearless. 2 Timothy 1:7
i am treasured by God. Deutoronomy 7:6
i am a delight to God. Psalm 149:4
i am secure. Deutoronomy 33:12
i am created in the image of God. Genesis 1:27
listen carefully to this! the Bible is true for everyone. i think a lot of the time, we read our Bibles because we’re supposed to and we want to know about God, but we don’t accept the Truth we are reading as applicable to ourselves. we don’t let it rest in our souls. instead, it just rests in our heads and we don’t let it be true in our own lives. but - God placed every single piece of history in motion, with such accuracy and precision, sent His perfect, blameless Son to be humiliated, rejected and DIE, raised His LIVING BODY from the dead, and created YOU - because He is affectionate for you. because He chose you. because He wants to know you! you weren’t just an after thought meant to populate the earth while He chose to love and care for His favorites. God has the same love, care and protection for you as He does for the girl you find yourself wishing you are instead.
whenever we have a habit of comparing ourselves and believe the lie that we are not as valued or not as liked or not as pretty -or any other adjective you can come up with - as other girls, we are owning rejections that people have never actually given to us. we adopt and believe things that we actually have NO proof anyone is thinking. we base our identity off of interactions and conversations that don’t live up to an expectation because we already believe false lies.
comparison separates the body
when i started college, the first example of a disciple of Christ i ever saw was my best friend ashlyn (surprise! she’s my best friend to this day!). for the first few months of college, i compared my spiritual path to hers. i felt like my past was immeasurably broken and incomparable to her growing up a Christian. after two years (!!!) of being best friends, i finally came clean to her about my biggest piece of shame in my life. and guess what! she was able to relate. she understood and she had experienced the same struggles and trials as i had growing up.
from then on, the spiritual growth and fruit that has come out of our friendship has been immeasurable and much more than i ever knew was possible. the Lord fills the darkest spots of our friendship, removing lies the devil has told us and strengthening us with a strength only possible through Jesus.
looking back, i know those two years of comparison could have been two years of defeating the devil and radically chasing after Jesus together. i’m glad it didn’t take any longer than two years. but the people you are comparing yourself to, the people you wish you were - i promise they have the same struggles, the same trials, and the same insecurities as you. do not let the devil lie to you and remove you from the body of Christ.
when we live a life of comparison, we remove the only possibility for true, sincere fellowship. we are meant to gather together for the name of Christ. Hebrews 10:24-25 says: “therefore, let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works. not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.”
my favorite memories, the moments when i have felt most fulfilled and at peace have come when i am surrounded by followers of Christ in moments of vulnerable, transparent honesty with no walls up. i promise they’ll be your favorite memories, too.
one body but many parts
a lot of our roots of comparison come out of different performances. we care about whether we are as good at sports, as good at school, as good at…you name it - we compare it. a lot of those things we are good at set the trajectory for our lives. if you’re good at singing, your life will be filled with being on a stage in front of hundreds of people. if you’re good at writing, your life will be filled with nights curled up in a blanket drinking some tea writing until your fingers are numb. what we have been gifted with takes us all down very different paths, takes us to very different places, and brings us to very different people.
1 Corinthians 12:12-27: “There is one body, but it has many parts. But all its many parts make up one body. It is the same with Christ. We were all baptized by one Holy Spirit. And so we are formed into one body. It didn’t matter whether we were Jews or Gentiles, slaves or free people. We were all given the same Spirit to drink. So the body is not made up of just one part. It has many parts. Suppose the foot says, “I am not a hand. So I don’t belong to the body.” By saying this, it cannot stop being part of the body. And suppose the ear says, “I am not an eye. So I don’t belong to the body.” By saying this, it cannot stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, how could it hear? If the whole body were an ear, how could it smell? God has placed each part in the body just as he wanted it to be. If all the parts were the same, how could there be a body? As it is, there are many parts. But there is only one body. The eye can’t say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” In fact, it is just the opposite. The parts of the body that seem to be weaker are the ones we can’t do without. The parts that we think are less important we treat with special honor. The private parts aren’t shown. But they are treated with special care. The parts that can be shown don’t need special care. But God has put together all the parts of the body. And he has given more honor to the parts that didn’t have any. In that way, the parts of the body will not take sides. All of them will take care of one another. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it. If one part is honored, every part shares in its joy. You are the body of Christ. Each one of you is a part of it."
if we were all the same, how would we be able to reach different people? if we were all the same, how would different groups of people hear the Gospel? we are all different with purpose. each of us makes up a different part of the body of Christ. and a body couldn’t function with a million of the same part. we spend too much time thinking of the gifts we wish we had rather than using the ones God gave us to their full potential. if i chose to compare myself to the athlete and only focus on becoming better at sports because i wanted to be just like her, none of you would be reading this right now!
we are all given different gifts and personalities because we will all reach different people when we choose to embrace the identity God has given us and live for the purposes He has uniquely given us. (doesn’t it mean more that God has a unique plan and purpose for you, rather than giving you the exact same one as someone else?)
the next step
i am calling you to action. write a list of lies you have come to believe about yourself. they can be generic and wide-reaching, or they can be specific - list names, list events, list every detail possible that has brought you to this point of soul-breaking comparison. NOW, put a big X over them. cross them out over and over. do it in sharpie. do it in paint. do it until your pen breaks through your paper.
open your Bible. find the verses that say who you are in Jesus. they’re everywhere. if you need help, google it. there’s millions of lists to get you started. among them, you will find that you are:
loved
cherished
treasured
delighted in
protected
watched over
complete
kept
secure
chosen
steadfast
anchored
with God
accepted
THAT’S who you are.
your eternity is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading. and THAT is your identity.
i had the opportunity to listen to an incredible teacher a few weekends ago, and this is the message he shared with us. what determines the value of an item is the one who purchases it. God chose your value - God purchased you at the price of His perfect Son on the cross. that’s a big price, definitely the BIGGEST price anyone could ever think of. and that’s your price tag. except you’ve already been bought, and it was a final sale purchase. you cannot be returned. you cannot be exchanged. you cannot be stolen.
you are His - and that means everything. that Truth can give you confidence to be content in who you are and work to become more like Christ - not more like someone else.
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